Written By Sabbatha Ashevale
It’s time to raise those horns to the heavens (or maybe the burning sky over Valhalla) and thrash into this week’s Metalhead Horoscopes. We’ve got Saturn retrograding through Aries like a tour bus skidding off the rails, and Mercury moonwalking through Leo with that chaotic “oops, I posted that at 3AM” energy.
Everything is being tested: boundaries, bank accounts, vocal cords, and patience. But don’t worry, we’re turning this cosmic sludge into a pit worthy setlist. Below are your metal fueled horoscopes for July 14–19, 2025
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You’ve been headbanging so hard you cracked your own neck. The riffs of life have gotten too serious. It’s time to scream because you love to, not because you have to. Rewrite your bio like it’s your band’s comeback album.
Your Lucky Song Of The Week: Orbit Culture – Death Above Life
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You’re trying to tune your strings in a windstorm. This week, the green room’s a mess, but your sanctuary (aka your lair) is your fortress. Organize it, claim it, and maybe finally fix that shelf that’s been threatening to fall on your records.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Sylvaine – Nowhere, Still Somewhere
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You’ve been double booking gigs with no soundcheck. Pull back, tune down, and remember, even Meshuggah rehearses. Burnout isn’t a badge of honor. Set limits or risk accidentally soloing in 13/8 at your cousin’s wedding.
Your Luck Song of The Week: DVNE – Pleroma
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
The tour van is stuck in the mud, but you’re still revving the engine. Chill. Just because the label isn’t calling doesn’t mean the music isn’t good. Let the inbox breathe. Instead, sharpen your axes (literal or metaphorical) and prepare for your next move.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Be’lakor – Indelible
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You’re choosing between a world tour and a dive bar show. Both shape who you are, but one’s going to burn you out faster. Pick the path that keeps your flame lit and let your pride take a nap for once.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Ghost The Future id A Foreign Land
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You’re trying to run merch, manage the band account, and track vocals in one take. Enough. Delegate. Rest. Just because you can do it all doesn’t mean you should. Let Saturn teach you how to approach your gutteral screams smarter so you dont injure your vocal chords.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Iotunn – Mistland
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You’re ghosting the scene this week, and that’s okay. You’re not obligated to mosh with anyone who drains your energy. Mercury’s whispering reminders of better times, hit up an old bandmate or that friend from the road who always gets you.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Cloak – Invictus
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You’re rearranging the entire setlist mid-show. Don’t panic. This is your transformation arc. Not everyone gets to see the raw takes before the final mix. Keep your cool, channel your venom, and let negotiations unfold in shadows, not flames.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Enslaved – Caravans to the Outer Worlds
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
The side project fizzled, the flame burned out and now you’re left with… possibility. Cue the wanderlust. Whether it’s a cross country road trip or a call to your most free spirited friend, this week is about expanding, not escaping.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Kardashev – Glass Phantoms
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Your home life’s a bit like trying to play doom metal with a ukulele. Face the dissonance, tighten your budget strings, and maybe finally have that talk. Real power is restructuring the chaos without losing your cool.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: The Halo Effect – How The Gods Kill
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Someone in your orbit is playing out of tune and you feel it. Step away from the jam session if it’s making your ears bleed. Reconnect with those who truly vibe with your weird time signatures and brilliant breakdowns.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Soen – Incendiary
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You want to buy another pedalboard so bad, but your wallet is whimpering. This week is about finding harmony between your dream gig and your day job. Don’t let burnout rob your riffs of meaning.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Paradise Lost – Serpent On The Cross
Until next week, keep your horns high, your riffs righteous, and don’t let retrogrades wreck your rhythm. The stars may stutter, but metal never skips a beat.
“The universe is a stage and every sign is a band. Some are headlining. Some are imploding. All are loud.” Sabbatha Ashevale
Sabbatha Ashvale is Metal Lair’s resident doom priestess and celestial saboteur. Born under a blood moon and raised on black metal and runes made from bone, she charts the stars the way others read liner notes. Loud, cryptic, and a little dangerous. Her horoscopes are less “love & light” and more “light the match and face the void.”
Each week, Sabbatha Ashvale conjures your fate from the flaming wreckage of planetary chaos, translating cosmic noise into prophecy for the pit. Whether the stars are moshing or meditating, she’ll tell you what it means with riffs, realness, and a side of gutterals.
