Welcome to Metalhead Horoscopes, where the riffs get weirder and the vibes go full prog. Neptune, the cosmic illusionist starts moonwalking backward in Aries on the 4th, casting a fog of delusion over everything. Watch for big talkers trying to get into the festival with no tickets and promises thinner than the sound guy’s patience.
On the same day, Venus locks horns with chaos agent Uranus, shaking up your heavy metal love balad with a surprise doom metal song. By nightfall, Venus slides into brainy Gemini, shifting romance from doom and gloom to deep conversations over rare vinyl and horror films. Love gets weird but try to go with the flow. This too shall pass.
Keep your bullshit detector tuned to 666 MHz. The drama’s loud this week but so is your clarity if you crank it right.
“The universe is a stage and every sign is a band. Some are headlining. Some are imploding. All are loud.” Sabbatha Ashevale
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You’re caught up in the emotional equivalent of a mosh pit spun around by intense convos and maybe even fixated on something (or someone) just out of reach. It’s frustrating, but the Wall of Death always clears. When Venus hits Gemini on the 4th, your communication tightens up like a well tuned snare drum. Speak your truth clear, direct, and brutal.
This week’s metal mantra: “Hold the line. No clean vocals.”
Youre lucky song of the week: Pantera- Revolution is My Name
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Thinking of reinventing your look? Maybe it’s finally time for that septum piercing or corpse paint tutorial. With Venus thrashing through your identity zone, it’s your personal Wacken moment, go bold, but make sure you can still survive the pit. By the 4th, you’ll want options, battle jacket or studded vest? Corpse paint or guy liner? Why not both?
This week’s metal mantra: “Rebel, but with layers.”
Youre lucky song of the week: Gojira- Born For One Thing
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
What started as a riff turned into a full blown concept album. This project’s gotten loud and chaotic. Try not to stage dive into pure chaos without checking the crowd first. But fear not! Venus enters your sign on the 4th and suddenly you’re magnetic as hell. Everybody wants a backstage pass to your vibe.
This week’s metal mantra: “Don’t shred faster than you can riff.”
Youre lucky song of the week: Mastodon – More Than I Could Chew
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Money talks louder than a double kick drum this week, and you’re tempted to push for more. Before you go full Lemmy on negotiations, ask yourself,is this for you, or are you following someone else’s setlist? Venus in Gemini on the 4th says it’s time to curl up with a good concept album and decompress.
This week’s metal mantra: “Know your worth. Tune your bass.”
Youre lucky song of the week: While She Sleeps – Know Your Worth
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Communication hits a dissonant chord this week. Someone’s off tempo and it’s not you. Don’t try to win the argument with blast beats. Instead, save your growls for later. Once Venus enters Gemini, your fanbase grows. It’s time to promote that wild idea. Someone out there wants your demo.
This week’s metal mantra: “Speak loud. Sing louder.”
Youre lucky song of the week: Dio- Stand Up And Shout
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You’re realizing that tour life (or that giant project) might be too much without a proper road crew. Time to retreat to the rehearsal space and fine tune the parts no one sees but everyone hears. With Mercury in your behind the scenes sector, your legacy is forged in solitude.
This week’s metal mantra: “Silence is sacred. Rehearse in hell.”
Youre lucky song of the week: Candlemass – Solitude
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You’re in the middle of a backstage beef, but who spilled the beer? Mercury’s in your social pit, and not everyone’s worth being in your circle. Luckily, Venus in Gemini helps you cut through the drama and refocus on deeper connections. Like who’s truly got your back in a wall of death.
This week’s metal mantra: “Ditch the gossip. Join the band.”
Youre lucky song of the week: Megadeth – Liar
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You’re juggling breakdowns at home and blast beats at work. Everything’s clashing like two guitar solos played in different keys. The support you need isn’t there yet, but on the 4th, Venus turns the spotlight on shared resources. This is your cue to summon the band. You don’t have to go solo.
This week’s metal mantra: “Rally the crew. Raise the horns.”
Youre lucky song of the week: Polaris – Above My Head
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
A surprise encore at work? You didn’t plan for this, but it’s exactly what your setlist needed. Whether it’s a raise or just a cosmic high five, take it. Then Venus hits your relationship sector on the 4th and suddenly love is like a perfect guitar solo. Unexpected, electric, and a little dangerous.
This week’s metal mantra: “Grin. Shred. Repeat.”
Youre lucky song of the week: Stratovarius – Fantasy
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
You’re ready to sign the deal, sell the merch, print the shirts but Mercury’s lurking and reparing a retrograde remix. Don’t rush the encore. After the 4th, Venus smooths things out in your daily grind. Maybe now the espresso machine and the printer work.
This week’s metal mantra: “Read the fine print. Play the long game.”
Youre lucky song of the week: Dream Evil – The Book of Heavy Metal
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Someone’s riffing on your ideas and surprise, it’s working. Your brain’s on a weird wavelength, and you’re digging it. Let relationships be your next experimental album. Venus in Gemini on the 4th is pure synthwave magic romance with a side of neon and distortion.
This week’s metal mantra: “Push boundaries. Drop jaws.”
Youre lucky song of the week: Sun O))) – My Wall
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You’ve hit a glitch in the matrix. A busted pedalboard or a broken rhythm at work. You know what you must do. Scrap the setlist and rewrite it from scratch. Venus moving into your domestic zone on the 4th says now’s the time to turn your home into a temple of tone.
This week’s metal mantra: “Reset the board. Let it roar.”
Youre lucky song of the week: Metal Church – Reset
Sabbatha Ashvale is Metal Lair’s resident doom priestess and celestial saboteur. Born under a blood moon and raised on black metal and runes made from bone, she charts the stars the way others read liner notes. Loud, cryptic, and a little dangerous. Her horoscopes are less “love & light” and more “light the match and face the void.”
Each week, Sabbatha Ashvale conjures your fate from the flaming wreckage of planetary chaos, translating cosmic noise into prophecy for the pit. Whether the stars are moshing or meditating, she’ll tell you what it means with riffs, realness, and a side of gutterals.
