Written By Sabbatha Ashvale
Welcome To Metal Lair’s Metalhead Horoscope
THE FINAL ASSAULT: JANUARY’S DYING BREATH
January isn’t fading out with a whimper; it’s going out like a feedback-drenched encore. It’s grabbed the mic, kicked over the monitors, and is demanding to know why you’re still pretending the setlist is working.
Aquarius season is currently stage-diving into your habits and relationships, tearing through anything that feels like a sell-out.
Power dynamics are being exposed like a bad lip-sync, and your instincts are interrupting your logic like an unexpected blast beat.
That recurring thought isn’t a coincidence, stargazer, it’s pressure building. The energy this week isn’t offering polite headbanging, it’s a wall of death.
Pay attention to the mirror, because the universe is about to show you exactly who’s still standing when the lights go up.
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
You’re walking around with a short fuse and a long-ass memory. The Moon is squaring Mars, making your reactions feel like a high-pitched, metallic “ping” on a snare that’s reminiscent of St. Anger.
With Mars moshing through Aquarius, your patience is at zero. If the pit is moving too slow, you’re ready to swing. Stop ignoring the irritation, face it. It’s the only honest thing in the room.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Megadeth – Ride The Lightning
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20)
The week kicks off with more mixed signals than a DIY venue’s soundboard. The Moon/Venus square is stirring up drama where what you’re demanding in your rider isn’t what the promoter is actually delivering.
Venus in Aquarius makes your “comfort zone” feel like you’re a stranger on someone elses tour bus. Don’t just dig your heels in because you’re stubborn, figure out if you’re actually being wronged or if you’re just afraid of trying out a new rhythm.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Leaves Eyes – Song of Darkness
Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20)
Your mouth is running faster than a speed metal solo, and it’s getting messy. Moon squaring Mercury is causing accidental oversharing and drunk texting your ex from the tour bus energy.
You’re sharp, but your timing is off. Not every silence needs a vocal fill. Take a beat before you sing the next chorus. The end of the week gets smoother and hotter. Finally, the mix is balanced and the charm is cranked to eleven.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Poppy – Time Will Tell
Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22)
Everything is turned up to a deafening volume, whether you asked for the gain or not. Early Moon squares are bringing control issues and conversations that spiral into a feedback loop.
You feel like you’re being forced to justify your existence to some gatekeeping roadie. Here’s the truth: that “classic” sound you’re clinging to is actually just a creative rut. Smash the routine, break out and try something new.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Architects – Broken Mirror
Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
The spotlight is shining on you, but don’t blow the speakers just yet. New tour dates (or a total relocation) are on the horizon.
The headliner slot is yours, but the contract doesn’t get signed until mid-March. Have patience, King.
Romance? Absolutely feral. With every love planet prowling your partnership zone, the chemistry is hitting like a massive riff drop whether you’re hunting solo or locked in a duo.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Via Doloris – For the Glory
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Your brain is doing laps around everyone else’s sloppy mistakes.
These Moon/Mercury squares make bad communication feel like a personal insult. It’s like you’re the only one who bothered to tune your instrument.
You want to fix every mess you see, but hold up, not everyone wants your liner notes. Don’t turn every minor irritation into a concept album.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Exodus – 3111
Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 23)
The social vibe is off-script. The Moon/Venus square is highlighting exactly where you’re doing all the heavy lifting while everyone else coasts.
You have an instinct to smooth things over like a polished producer, but that can become exhausting over time.
Let the awkward silence hang. Let someone else carry the weight for once. You aren’t the band’s unpaid therapist.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Heidnir – Der Kosmische Tanz
Scorpio (Oct 24 – Nov 22)
Something’s poking the beast early. Moon squaring Pluto is dragging old power struggles out of the shadows.
Your instinct is to clamp down, test loyalty, and show everyone who the real headliner is.
That dominance play feels good for five minutes, but it leaves you isolated. There’s more power in keeping your cards hidden than in flipping the script.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Lorna Shore – In Darkness
Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21)
Jupiter retrograde is making your feelings louder than your “no-fucks given” philosophy.
The Moon/Jupiter sextile is bringing some unexpected emotional grounding and it turns out you don’t need a manifesto to feel human.
You might find yourself lingering in a memory or a conversation that you’d usually blow off. Don’t fight it, consider it a rare, acoustic deep cut and go with the flow.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Blackbraid – Petrichor (Seduced by Conquering Darkness)
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
The workload is hitting heavier than a funeral doom record, but you’re not backing down.
Saturn in Pisces is softening your usual “iron-fisted frontman” edge, making it harder to bury your feelings under a pile of sheet music.
The Moon sextiling Saturn gives you the stamina to show up for the grind without losing your mind, even when the obligations are stacking up.
You can carry the whole tour on your back, Capricorn, but check yourself, are you hauling this gear because you want to, or just because you’ve forgotten how to say no?
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Demonic Resurrection – The Great Famine
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
Your nervous system is buzzing like a faulty amp. Uranus is poking at your routines until they feel suspicious.
You’re getting flashes of inspiration but everything feels out of sync and your mood is flipping faster than a time signature in a Slayer song.
You want stability and a riot in the same breath. That contradiction is your signature sound, stop trying to simplify or fight it.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Monstrosity – The Colossal Rage
Pisces (Feb 19 – March 20)
Neptune is packing its bags and heading for Aries, which is rattling your usual “go with the flow” vibe.
Your intuition is getting bossy and your dreams are screaming. Somewhere in this chaos, your hesitation is going to snap into an impulse.
Trust your gut, but don’t mistake every passing emotion for a prophecy. Not every demo is worthy of seeing the light of day.
Your Lucky Song of The Week: Exhumed – Shovelhead
The stars don’t whisper this week, they scream.
Take what hit, leave what didn’t, and remember, prophecy only matters if you move your feet.
Same pit, same chaos, different alignment.
We’ll meet you here next week. Louder, sharper, and a little less forgiving.
Missed last weeks Metalhead Horoscope? You can find it here.
⚠️ Disclaimer: When your lead singer is a Virgo.
When youre stuck with a Virgo lead singer you waive your right to spontaneity, fun, and peace. There’s six hour rehearsals where you play the same four bars 400 times.
They don’t write songs; they perform autopsies on them.
They weaponize honesty by correcting mistakes you’ve made since the band’s inception, usually delivered in a tone so condescending it could make a roadie cry.
They micro-manage and handle chaos like a cat in a bathtub with sharp claws and a high pitched scream.
Pro Tip: To survive a Virgo lead singer, keep a spare set of earplugs, not for the amps, but for the constant stream of “constructive” criticism.
More from this author: Dive deeper with A Rip in Time: Women in Metal and Cool is Killing Metal
Metalhead Horoscope F.A.Q.
Q: Are these horoscopes real astrology or just jokes for metalheads?
A: Both. The horoscopes come from actual astrological forecasts, but the language is written in pure metalhead tongue- in-cheek because you deserve prophecy that sounds like a pit, not a PTA meeting.
Q: How do we pick the Lucky Song of the Week?
A: Each track is hand picked to echo the week’s cosmic vibe. If Mars is throwing horns, expect riffs sharp enough to cut steel. If the Moon is weeping in Virgo, you’ll get a track that slays with precision. No boring playlists, no cookie cutter picks. Just new drops, deep cuts and cult classics.
Q: Can metal really mix with astrology?
A: Of course. Both are about cycles, transformation, and intensity. Astrology tells you where the stars are screaming and metal tells you how to scream back.
Q: Why should I care about astrology if I only worship riffs and distortion?
A: Because the cosmos is basically the ultimate tour manager thats setting the stage, flipping the lights, and sometimes cancelling the gig. You don’t have to believe in it to bang your head to it.
Q: Do we take requests for Lucky Songs in our horoscopes?
A: Absolutely. Drop your ideas in the comments or shoot us a message. We might just spin your favorite band into the cosmic setlist next week.
Q: Does Metal Lair have other series like this?
A: Yes! Metal Lair runs several signature series that explore every corner of heavy music:
- Seven Deadly Songs – A weekly roundup of the most unholy new releases.
- Deep Cuts – Hidden gems and lost recordings from rock and metal history.
- A Rip in Time: Women in Metal – A series celebrating the voices, pioneers, and rule-breakers reshaping heavy music’s DNA
- World Metal Weekly – A global passport through the underground, one country at a time.
- Ministry of Metal – A satirical authority devoted to the laws, rituals, and unspoken rules of heavy music. Proclamations, decrees, cultural edicts, and metal lore delivered with humor and bite.
- Metal Legacy Profiles – Deep-dive essays honoring artists who shaped metal’s sound, culture, and philosophy. These aren’t timelines or greatest-hits lists, but examinations of impact, conflict, evolution, and what each figure left behind.
Metalhead Horoscope is a Metal Lair™ Original Series
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sabbatha Ashvale is Metal Lair’s resident wildfire in eyeliner. A music journalist and storyteller who writes like she’s swinging a torch through the catacombs of heavy music. She’s equal parts historian and shit-stirrer. Her work focuses on artistry, history, and the often overlooked creators who define metal’s evolving future. She brings depth, grit, and a razor sharp perspective to every piece she writes.